Whether you’ve just come out, are recovering from a break-up, or have been single for a while, if you’re an older lesbian, looking for love can be challenging. Most older lesbians are no longer interested in hanging out in the bars where young people meet. Many of us have grown past the over-drinking stage and are no longer interested in sexual games. If we’re looking at all, we’re looking for the real thing. We may still be attracted to a pretty face, but we crave deep, lasting connections with someone who shares our interests and our values. But where do older lesbians meet their soulmates? Think outside the bar.

Online Dating Service

One way to meet your soulmate may sound a little scary to older lesbians, but it works! Many LGBTQ couples married today met through an on-line dating service like Match.com, including me and my wife. To make this work, you really must be honest with yourself when you set up your profile in a dating service. Be realistic about who you are, what you want, and, most of all, what your deal-breakers are.

Don’t try to make yourself sound better than you are. If you do, the women you meet will be disappointed when they get to know the real you, and you will be disappointed in the results of any friendship or relationship that comes out of that. The right woman is out there, but you will not meet her if you pretend to be anyone other than your own unique and quirky self. You can communicate with the women who respond to your profile or search out those with whom you might be compatible. Either way, you can choose to respond or not respond, to meet or not to meet, to date or not to date. So it’s not as scary as you might think.

Socialize

Another way to meet potential partners is to socialize.  You might join a work-related or activity-related group. Do a little research to find an LGBTQ group related to your career or area of interest. For example, if you’re a realtor, you can join NAGLREP, the National Association of Gay & Lesbian Real Estate Professionals. Almost every career field has a similar LGBTQ support group. Go to meetings, get involved in the group’s activities, and attend conferences. The woman of your dreams may be a member, too. Or you may find the love of your life in a bowling team, a beach ball gathering, or a writer’s group.

Do your research, find your tribe and get out there. The perfect woman is not going to come knocking at your door. You must make yourself available. Interact with friends you love. When we’re single, we sometimes avoid gatherings of friends who are in couples. But don’t stay at home when friends are having a dinner party or a beach gathering. They will have invited other single people as well, and one of those might be your soulmate. Get out and be sociable.

Make a Little Magic

Here’s the thing. Positive energy attracts; negative energy has the opposite effect. We can create a flow of positive energy, or we can cut off the flow of positive energy. Words are powerful tools for creating positive energy. Put down in words what you want in a partner. Make a list of desirable attributes. What should she look like? What kind of personality would attract you? Is a sense of humor important? Would you like her level of education to be similar to yours? Think of the kind of partner you want, then make space for her in your life.

Clear out negative energy by releasing the past. Sell jewelry given to you by past lovers and buy yourself something new with the cash. Donate or trash mementos from past relationships. Those things keep your energy tied to the past. Wipe the slate clean by buying a new bed, a new mattress or just new sheets to create a space that you have not shared with anyone else. Make room in your closet and in your dresser for her. If your home is overcrowded with you or with past lovers, women you date will not be able to imagine room in your life for themselves. Open up your space to create an energetic invitation for the soulmate you desire.

My wife and I met when she was 54 and I was 58. By that age, we had learned many lessons about life and about love from past relationships. We were mature, and we knew what we wanted. That’s what makes our relationship so lovely. We were ready for each other. If you’re ready to find your true love, open doors, explore new territory, be available, and be ready. Love and magic can happen at any age.